mending wall psychology

When I was in high school, one of my favorite possessions was a large poster with a line of Robert Frost’s poetry. “Before I built a wall, I’d ask to know what I was walling in our walling out.”

I was an English major in college and have always felt a kinship with Robert Frost. However this reflection is not about poetry, but setting healthy boundaries. So I am just going to isolate that one statement which I think is very sage advice. It is always wise to question if and where barriers in our internal landscape should be erected and determine appropriate flexibility.

This happens to be my season for doing some intentional boundary work that is probably long overdue. I am working with a 12 step model introduced to me by a priest in my own faith tradition (eastern orthodox), a therapist, and the acoa meetings and materials. I am in the very beginning stages of this gentle system re-haul. It requires taking a step back and really looking at myself and ways of reacting (not responding) that have been in place for decades.

For many years I truly believed that it was selfish to set boundaries. Doesn’t the bible teach after all to “give to him that asks of you and turn not away from him who wants to borrow from you?” So there is a lot of sorting through healthy interpretations of scripture and all kinds of other thought processes.

Are there any systems of thought that you are winnowing in order to facilitate inner healing? I’d love to hear from you.



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