“In the domain of the absolute, in the domain of Limitless Love, circumstances are never twice the same. A particular case is never repeated. Every relationship of love between God and a particular man(or woman) is exceptional and unique…”
Lev Gillet, The Burning Bush
This week marks the end of a very significant year for me. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was really suffering this time last year, at times fearing I was going mad. Somehow I was given the grace to begin making some seismic shifts that have forever altered me and for the better I think.
I began this post with the quote by Lev Gillet because I want to make it clear that I am in no way being prescriptive in my approach to healing. We are all so different and unique with histories and genetic makeups that need God’s peaceful and loving orchestration. If something I say seems helpful, I am grateful, but only as a fellow traveller, not as an expert.
I am going to list some of the things that have helped greatly over the past year. Again, these are just steps along MY path, but you might find value here as well.
- I went for a full physical at the urging of my husband
- I started on an antidepressant (more on that in another post, as I may possibly be making another shift under a doctor’s guidance soon)
- I started a healthier eating plan and have lost almost 60 pounds
- I began addressing my severe codependency issues with the help of an Orthodox priest (my own faith tradition)
- I attended ACoA meetings for additional help
- When the time was right, an opening became available with a therapist whom I had been on the waiting list for. She has been an IMMENSE help in so many things, particularly in assisting me to see clearly that I had no idea what healthy boundaries were and helping me set them.
- I began seeing an ND (medical naturopath) who had helped my daughter heal from some severe gastro issues. Discovered some significant vitamin deficiencies via specific lab work. Am currently addressing through supplements.
- I began practicing my own creativity in a more deliberate and planned, peaceful way. The most significant project is my year long focus on Emily Dickinson which I am about 6 weeks into.
The things I have listed are just the external steps that I took to further my growth. Internally, I hardly know how to begin to catalog what is changing. I feel better physically, which I think is the foundation. I still have health issues that are ongoing, but the path forward is becoming more clear and less frightening thanks to a wonderful dentist, who was recommended by my Naturopath, who was recommended by my therapist. I have been awed by the dots that get connected as I follow the golden thread. Doors have opened in miraculous yet subtle ways. Sometimes it seems that the answers are long in coming, and at other times there is a rapid progression.
I have made some changes that felt lonely, too. Setting clearer boundaries has changed my religious practice. Because of some of my chronic and specific health challenges (and the stage of life I am in as a woman), I am not follow the fasting guidelines of the Orthodox church (which do make allowances for health issues). This may shift again later on, but for now, this is my reality. I did have one priest (not my regular priest or spiritual father) remind me that many saints kept the fasting rules although they knew it would be detrimental to their health. Two years ago I would have likely kept on fasting regardless but these days I feel that my health is a good thing and I really just take each day as it comes.
On this anniversary of sorts, I am so grateful. And I hope and pray that you too are opening yourself up to the healing that is universal, but unique to you.
Peace and wholeness,