When we are in the process of healing, sometimes it becomes apparent that
our therapist is no longer the right fit for us. Sometimes as we gain clarity,
we may even recognize some unhealthy patterns in the therapist/client
relationship. While it is important not to cut ties at the first sign of
trouble to ensure we are not resisting the work, if red flags keep popping up,
it may be time to move on.
In my own case, I had gotten some good and very specific help from my
therapist in the beginning stages that I am truly grateful for. However,
sometimes with co-dependency there is a bent toward feeling indebted beyond
what is reasonable. So, when I began to realize some significant problems, such
as my therapist often talking over me, not really listening, and talking a LOT
about her own life, I became uncomfortable. She would often tell me things
about herself and her family members to connect to what I was saying, but it
went beyond that. In our last meeting, after relating something about one of
her relations, she said “but please don’t tell anyone what I’ve told
you.” What? Now I am paying you to keep your family secrets? I knew for
certain after that meeting it was time to move on.
It was a hard decision to make in some ways because I don’t feel that my
journey in therapy is finished, but I trust the process enough to know that the
appropriate person will be made available in good time. In the meantime I am
continuing co-dependency work through ACoA resources and reading materials by
folks whose work has a lot of substance such as Rokelle Lerner and Sharon Martin. If you need some solid and healthy material on navigating your healing journey you
might consider starting with either one.
Additionally, I am working with AndyMort who has been unbelievable in helping me with my creative goals. I have referred to him before, but he bears mentioning again because his work is a
real treasure. He is very grounded, nonjudgmental, and as a creative introvert himself, has a deep well of understanding and experience to draw from.
Peace and boundaries,