Yesterday was a difficult one. Two friends entering hospital in addition to my own struggles with impatience in parenting of my eight year old had me feeling sad and discouraged for a bit. But the good news is that I am learning to be more gentle with myself. Before I got too far down the fear/shame trail, I went to a phone ACoA meeting which helped to bring me back to myself.
A few months back I wrote a poem that was inspired primarily by the wonderful children’s book In the Candle’s Glow by Elizabeth Crispina Johnson with the sweetest pictures by Amandine Wanert. In the story, a little girl imagines the candles at church holding all of her prayers and then lifting them up to heaven. My mind connected the story to something I had read in a Thich Nhat Hanh book about a woman who told him that the flowers were holding her smile for her until she could find her own.
So as I sit here in this new day, candle lit, cup of coffee poured, computer open (but not for long) I remind myself that I don’t have to hold it. I can let the light have it and carry it into the heart of God, who is love. What a blessing.
The Candle’s Secret
I sit staring, and ruminate
At such a capacity for holding
My soul’s heavy yet wordless weight
heretofore well- guarded and clandestine.
Though the blue-yellow flame grows faint,
It is not stifled; nor does it appear
Alarmed at its once solid form
made molten, in merest moments, not years.
Now cooled by my breath for the night,
Its smoky missive sent into the light.